UPDATE: Very Important Hat Tip of the Strongest Gratitude to Aaron at Unlikely Words, who made this list possible. And to Jason, for giving me the idea. (And I admit that I probably should have included "Heavy is the head that eats the crayons." So, uhm, there! It's included!)
“Frank, for all your hard work, please accept this set of solid gold nunchuks.” Trying to come up with two things that don't go together is easy (Apples, oranges! Fish, bicycles! Me, regular employment!) but trying to come with two things that don't go together in a FUNNY WAY is much harder. "Solid gold nunchuks" is fucking genius.
“I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn’t a new Star Trek.” This is showing up on a lot of people's lists (the two other who have made them), and deservedly so, thought I think it says more about Boston Legal than 30 Rock.
“Those two have never paid me any attention. And rightly so, I’m a strange man who can’t be taken seriously. Now they won’t let me out of their sight.” One of the few Tracy lines that isn't funny as a stand-alone non-sequitor. But all you need to know is that the two boys in question are his sons.
“We didn’t know what to get them and then I had a brainstorm. It was a bad one, Jenna had to put my tongue guard in.” This is sort of an easy laugh -- some of the "wordplay!" Tracy likes so much -- but it's elevated by the inclusion of his prissy, primadonna co-star Jenna being the bearer of the tongue guard.
“It’s a practice wheel for when I lose my foot to diabetes.” Exactly.
“N-O-E. No. E.” One of things that makes 30 Rock special is its ability to make one joke, then follow it with a joke that undermines the first one. This may be the shortest example of that technique available.
“Larry, what everyone needs to do is just take a deep breath, calm down, and start preparing their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law.” AND “Devil’s avocado here, Larry. I think people should freak the geek out. Withdraw all your money and hide it.” Both of these are from the episode where Tracy announces that New York is going to become a post-apocalyptic dystopia. I like the certain equanimity of the first and the phrase "Devil's avocado" in the second. I'm going to start using it in my real life.
“I don’t need a birthday cause I buy myself all the presents I need. And because of my drinking, they’re often a surprise.” It may not be the funniest line Tracy has ever spoken (or even the 8th-funniest) but as anyone who follows my episodes of Ambien-induced Amazon-shopping could tell you, you know it hits home.
“Look, when I was a kid growing up in the projects, I would look up at the stars and dream of going into space. Of escaping the slums. Of killing the Ewok! Now the man that kid has become can make those dreams come true. Do you know what that’s like?” And that's how the Ewok was hunted to extinction. Or at least one can hope.
“Well, I might be crazy, but neither he, nor his bird would let me into his bedroom. And why wouldn’t you want to let Tracy Jordan into your bedroom unless you got a bunch of dead nurses in there.” I think we've all had this thought at one point or another.
There, now go make your own!