11:04:16 AM Ana Marie Cox: joke jury?
11:04:26 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: sure
11:04:41 AM Ana Marie Cox:
Someone in Al Qaeda did not attach the coversheet to his TPS report:
"I was very upset by what you did...I obtained 75,000 rupees for you and your family's trip to Egypt. I learned that you did not submit the voucher to the accountant, and that you made reservations for 40,000 rupees and kept the remainder claiming you have a right to do so. . . . Also with respect to the air-conditioning unit, . . . furniture used by brothers in Al Qaeda is not considered private property. . . . I would like to remind you and myself of the punishment for any violation."
The LAT says that the Al Qaeda memos "depict an organization obsessed with paperwork and penny-pinching and afflicted with a damaging propensity for feuds," which I suppose should just make us glad that the typical journalistic enterprise is not armed with stolen U.S. weapons.
Intelligence experts say that Al Qeada's penchant for bureaucracy reveals an important weakness in what they had thought was cell-based, decentralized and efficient organization. It turns out, however, that "committees and titles proliferated." All that mismanagement and yet they still, by their terms, succeed. In some parallel universe, they've started a consulting business to train executives in the same kind of counterintuitive process; it took 1500 years for someone to come out with "Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun," what's the time line for "Who Moved My Jihad?" The only flaw would be first chapter, which would have to be something along the lines of, "Step One: Have your corporate rival start a stupid, costly, and unnecessary war." Step two, of course, would be "Hope they start another one."
11:05:52 AM Ana Marie Cox: totally ripe for a sit com
11:06:02 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: well
11:06:20 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: that does explain all the rumors about how dwight schrute has taken over al-zawahiri's position
11:07:33 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: They may have imposed the blindingly obdurate nature of Egyptian bureaucracy," said a senior British anti-terrorism official who asked to remain anonymous for security reasons. "You see that in the retirement packages they offered, the lists of members in Iraq, the insecure attitude about their membership, the rifts among leaders and factions."
11:07:37 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: retirement packages?
11:07:49 AM Ana Marie Cox: i thought that was 40 virgins
11:08:00 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: actually the company matches your virgin contributions up to 40
11:08:12 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: 50% match up to 40 virgins, 0% over that
11:09:06 AM Ana Marie Cox: i had missed the retirement packages one. it sounds better than time warner... or the US army for that matter!
11 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: seriously
11:09:15 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: al-qaida pensions!
11:09:31 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: even TERRORISTS have better retirement security than the middle class in america
11:09:39 AM Ana Marie Cox: the AQI bill
11:09:49 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: "I have not received my salary in three months and I am six months behind in paying my rent. . . . You also told me to remind you, and this is a reminder."
11:10:25 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: seriously
11:10:45 AM Ana Marie Cox: i'm going to start writing my editors in that same language.
11:10:45 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: committees and titles proliferated
11:12:34 AM Ana Marie Cox: "praise be to Hachette. I have had the honor on being asked by your grace to pen a description of the life of that godless jezebel, cindy mccain. you asked me to let you know what my expenses were and that you would pay them with the swiftness of a worthy jihadist entering the kingdom of heaven. i have not yet received reimbursement."
11:13:07 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: hahaha
11:13:18 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: writing like a jihadist = timeless humor
11:14:00 AM Ana Marie Cox: hell, there's "talk like a pirate day."
11:14:15 AM Ana Marie Cox: write like a jihadist day would be much funnier
11:14:41 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: i'd love to write a story about the campaign like a jihadist
11:15:39 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: "praise be to broder. the infidel john mccain today proposed to keep american dogs occupying the holy land for 100 years. the godless democrats see political gain for their unholy side."
11:16:42 AM Ana Marie Cox: hahahaha!
11:16:56 AM Ana Marie Cox: seriously, a sit com
11:17:07 AM Ana Marie Cox: where, like, a jihadist comes to america to be a blogger
11:17:09 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: it'd be great
11:17:14 AM Ana Marie Cox: or they set up a corporate front
11:17:27 AM Ana Marie Cox: selling stuff on ebay
11:17:32 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: haha
11:18:05 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: they're unable to plan their attack because they spend too much time on HR problems
11:18:09 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: hilarity ensues!
11:18:59 AM Ana Marie Cox: though their item descriptions are unusual: "One 'Prancing Nancy' Beanie Baby: Highly collectible though a heathen image ownership of which will damn an unlucky soul to hellfire. Slightly used."
11:19:30 AM Fellow Bored Journalist: heh
